It is easy to walk through life feeling not good enough. In American culture in particular, people often look to external factors like a salary or material possessions to dictate their status or worth.
“We are just told from birth all of the ways in which we need to show up,” says life coach Francesca Hogi, “and the things we need to do and achieve and have and look and all of these things in order to be good enough.”
The problem is, looking for validation outside of yourself “is a slippery slope and it is a bottomless pit,” she says. You “will never feel good enough because there will always be something else” to achieve, another goal post to reach.
When Hogi, whose book “How to Find True Love” hits shelves in April 2025, sees her clients struggling with self-worth, she suggests an exercise that helps them reframe.
Here’s what she tells them to do and why it can help.
‘Imagine a newborn baby’
Hogi gives her clients a hypothetical scenario.
“Imagine a newborn baby anywhere in the world,” she says. “It could be your baby, hypothetical baby — doesn’t matter. What does that baby have to do to be worthy of love, of care, of kindness, of good health?”
Some people believe that baby has a lot of work to do to be worthy. “But if you can accept, well, they don’t have to do anything,” she says, “we love them because they are,” then it can help get the wheels turning about what you have to do to be worthy yourself — nothing at all.
‘You’re much more comfortable just being your authentic self’
This exercise can help people start to question messaging they’ve been hearing about where their confidence and self-love should come from.
It starts to help them think, where does “our inherent worth as humans come from?” says Hogi. “It comes from just the fact that we are here, we are human.” And they have nothing to prove.
Hogi finds that when people do this exercise, they’re “absolutely healthier” and “absolutely happier,” she says. Plus, they’re much more comfortable being their “authentic” selves, she says. The exercise helps them realize that, bottom line, “that’s actually my job here, is to be myself.”
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